Just Waiting and Wondering!

I have my next appointment through with another different doctor!

Apparently this time it's with the fertility specialist who will be deciding what path we take next and what treatment we will be having.

I'm quite happy to be seeing someone who will be finally making some decisions but I'm also really nervous at the same time. I was told that I may need to have YET ANOTHER examination by this doctor now which made me want to scream some obscenities at the top of my voice! I'm so sick of having people poking me. I feel violated! Why why why ......????? Why do they have to keep on doing the same things over and over again?

 

So anyway that's that....it's on June the 11th which wasn't as quick as I'd hoped for but at least I have an appointment now.

 

Now all there is to do is wait and wonder what will happen next!

 



Just My Luck!

Hsg Test Day!

 

Yesterday was the day I'd been dreading for quite a while as I knew I had to go for my Hysterosalpingogram (HSG) Test at the hospital.

I was refered for this test to check to see if my fallopian tubes were blocked!

I'd had a really bad weekend and was highly stressed by the time Monday and the appointment arrived so was even more apprehensive about going. I really had to give myself a talking to beforehand to get myself together....deep down I knew that if I didn't go I would never get any closer to treatment.

So Kenny picked me up and we went to the hospital. My appointment was on time and I was asked to change into a lovely gown but for some reason keep my converse on, I was literally shaking but I couldn't resist taking a quick pick of how ridiculous I looked!

I was then led into a room (kenny had to wait outside) and there were two radiologists both female in the room. I breathed a massive sigh of relief when I saw them as I was expecting a male doctor again.

They sat me down and explained what would happen and what the test was for and I had to sign some forms just to agree to the procedure!

 

I've read quite a bit about this test and everyone seems to experience it differently.

I was expecting it to be uncomfortable but I never expected it to be how it was!

I will try to spare the gorey details as it's not very pleasant but I will briefly go over the procedure and how it was for me.

I had to lay on the couch and the xray machine (like a box that it above you) was moved so that it was over my pelvis....they then took a normal image of this area which appeared on one of the 3 screens next to the bed. I could see these which was quite good as it gave me something to focus on.

Then they started the test..... the speculum was pushed around until they found my cervix (if you are a woman who has had a smear test then you will know what a speculum is! lol), this was uncomfortable! They then had to insert a small thin tube which 5ml of die was injected through... this didnt really hurt but on the screen I could see that only a small amount of die had entered my uterus and the rest had spilled out.

So the radiologist explained that she would try again.....more uncomfortable pain and another failed attempt.

She appologised and said that this happens sometimes but not to worry as they could change the instruments being used.

So they started the test again with different instruments but this time it was really hurting and when she inserted the tube I was in so much pain I just wanted to cry. The only way I could describe it is like that feeling you get in your stomach when you have a water infection...that really sharp pain over an over again!

I had tears rolling down my face...but I knew that it was nearly over and needed to be done. I knew when the dye had gone into my uterus as this time my whole stomach went into cramps like intense period pains.

The radiologists were lovely and appologised for such a bad experience...they said that normally they only need to use 5ml of dye but in my case they had used 20ml! It did make me laugh because all I could think is 'it would happen to me'!

They then went over what the test had shown and my xray showed the contrast in my uterus and spilling through my tubes.....which meant no blockages! Horray!!!

To say I was glad it was over is an understatement....I went into the toilet and just cried my eyes out.

I then had to get changed and go for a blood test.

Yes one thing I've learnt so far through my journey is that the tests are constant and just as you finish one along comes another!

So off I trot with a tear stained face to the bloodtest department......I was seen really quick but as I gave the nurse my form she looked at it and said that she didn't know what one of the abbreviations meant, so off she went for 15 mins leaving me in the room full of blood test vials and needles!

At this point I went from feeling really fed up to laughing!

She finally came back and done the test but by this point I had already taken a photo and read what all the different abbreviations meant lol

                          

 

 Info on the HSG:  http://www.webmd.com/infertility-and-reproduction/guide/hysterosalpingogram-21590

 

 

 

 



Painful processes

I'm having an off day today! I have got the HSG on Monday and I'm really stressed about it and to make matters worse the guidance info for it says to do a pregnancy test just to ensure you are not! This seems pretty easy but it's such an emotional task for me!

Every time that I've done one (which has been a lot lately due to all these hospital appointments & tablets) I seem to go through the same process.

So today I bought the test even though I KNEW It's was going to be negative and then I had to pluck up the courage to do it. When it was processing I couldn't bring myself to look at it because I knew what the outcome was going to be and then when I finally did see that it's negative I cried my eyes out yet again because in my heart I was just hoping that somehow I would be wrong this time and I wouldn't have to go for this horrid HSG after all! It's always pretty much like that, so I'm really down right now! Just trying to distract myself with the fact that once the test is done I might have some answers at last!

I would Die For that!

I came across this song today whilst looking through blogs and other stuff about fertility treatments and it really pulled on my hearts strings.

Listen to the words... so relateable!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JqfGqOx2iDQ&noredirect=1

Up to Date

On track

So now I am up to date on here!

 I am currently waiting to have the HSG done, my appointment is next Monday and I'm dreading it.

I know I've got to have it done so I just need to think happy thoughts!

Talking of happy thoughts....one of the main things that keeps me going through this is humour!

Sometimes I feel so down about it all but you have to make light of some situations......like when you lay on those doctors couches and wish you were at the dentist opening you're mouth rather than there opening your legs! ha ha

I came across this game recently that made me giggle, I'm sure if you are going through the same thing you will relate to it too!

http://indulgy.com/post/f872qKAcB1/infertility-the-board-game-painfully-funny



Dashed Hopes

  Follow up appointment at Gynae Unit

At the previous appointment with the doctor at the Gynae unit we were told that they wanted to do all the tests with Provera and the scans in sight of giving me a drug called clomid at this next appointment.

Those 3 months dragged so much and by the time I got to my appointment on the 25th April 2013 I had convinced myself that today was the day that they would give me the drug.

Well yet again I was wrong!

We spoke to the doctor who told us that the Provera tests had shown that I had not released an egg and that now I needed to have another bloodtest and also a HSG test to check my fallopian tubes. (I will go into more detail about this once I have had it done)

They also said that my husband's test had still come back with a small issue but for now they were not worried about it as they need to find out what is going on with me!

We left the hospital with more test forms and feeling completely crushed!

I got into the car and sobbed! I think it was a mixture of fear about having more tests done, still not having answers or not being given the drug like I thought I would be.

One positive thing came out of it and that is that we have now been refered to the specialists with the fertility unit....So I guess this is now where it really begins??



Thanks for That!

The next Scan!

During the 3 months of taking Provera I also had to go and have another scan as the doctor at the Gynae Unit wanted another opinion.

So off I went up to the hospital for this scan which just so happened to be in the maternity unit. I mean talk about being insensitive, there I was sat in the waiting room with a bunch of pregnant women..it felt like someone was rubbing it in my face.

One by one they were going in and coming out all happy and there I was dreading what I was about to have done and knowing that all I would get to see on the screen is my friggin ovaries!!! I really wanted to stand up and scream at everyone who was in that room, I can't tell you how much I had to stop myself from crying!

So then I was called in........I first had the external ultrasound as I had done before at my doctors and the nurse said that she couldn't see any problems with my ovaries. Yes there were a couple of small cysts but she said that all women have a few and that's natural.

She told me that I would need to have the internal ultrasound as this gets a closer look and she would be able to give me a better decision on if I had Polycystic Ovaries or not.

I guess I was kind of relieved that it was a women doctor doing this as it's bad enough having it done without it being a man.

The internal scan wasn't quite as bad as I'd imagined, it didn't really hurt, was just uncomfortable but I tried to concentrate on the screen and the nurse talked me through what she could see.

I've put a link below for anyone who wants to read more about this ultrasound, there's images of the machine used, etc.

http://www.radiologyinfo.org/en/info.cfm?pg=pelvus

The outcome was that she didn't think that my ovaries had enough cysts to warrant diagnosis of Polycystic Ovaries and so I was sent on my way!

Problematic Provera

 

Hormone tests

 

 

After the Gynae Clinic appointment I had to start taking a drug called Provera.

For the first month I had to take 3 a day for 5 days then wait until I had a period which was 5 days later, during the period I had to go and have bloodtest number 1.

 

Then after that Period I had to count 21 days from when I took the last tablet and then take the 5 days of tablets again, wait for the period and then have a bloodtest on the 21st day of my cycle.

 

I got myself so confused that I ended up having blood taken on the wrong day and had to go back again for another! (one I could've done without having! lol)

 

 

If you ever have to have this done make sure that you count 21 days from the first day of your period and not 21 days from the last day like I stupidly did!

 

 

I had read about women who had been on Provera and had had really bad side effects but I can't say that I had any.

 

I was emotional but as people around me know that's nothing new for me! ;)

Emotional Rollercoaster

 

January 2012

 

 

We had our first appointment with the Gynae Unit on the 24th January 2013. I was really stressed out about it as I didn't have a clue what to expect and to make it worse the doctor was running late so we had to sit for an hour and a half in the waiting room.

When we were finally called in the doctor just asked general questions about my health and my menstural cycle history.


He then wanted to do internal investigations!
Without going into too much detail it was to check that the womb is in the correct place and make sure that there are no underlying problems, all I can say is that after that having the smear done is a doddle.
This was probably the most traumatic and degradeable thing I have had to experience so far.
(I'm really sorry for anyone who is reading this and may have to have it done! It may not be as bad for others but I am giving my honest opinion)

When we left all I wanted to do was cry my eyes out, I felt so crap!

He had given us more test forms too...Kenny had to repeat his test and I had to go for more scans plus take tablets to induce menstural cycles.

Sometimes you have to Agree to Disagree!

 External Ultrasound 1

 

I was then sent for an external ultrasound scan (the type they do on pregnant women) at the doctors.
This wasn't really an unpleasant test, I just had to drink a litre of water an hour before so that I was close to bursting when they scanned me. It's a little bit uncomfortable when they're pressing on your stomach and you feel like you're going to pee but it was over quite quickly.
The male doctor who was scanning me (and also looked like he couldn't be bothered) said that he thought I had Polycystic Ovaries as there were some small cysts visable.

So I went back to my regular GP who said that I must have Polycystic Ovaries then, at which point I told him that I totally disagree....I've read about this and I do not have any other symptom.
He then looked at the bloodtest results and told me that they don't show signs of it either so he decided to refer me to the Gynae Unit at Basildon Hospital.
I was really defensive at first...I couldn't understand why they would send me to a Gynaecologist, I thought maybe they thought I had something else wrong. It's only once I was home and started reading things on the internet that I realised that this was the general route you take when dealing with infertility.

At this time we had also been told that the results from my husbands tests were not great either so this was like a kick in the stomach....we were both emotionally drained and fed up.


 

Dates with the Vampires!

I think that when I first went to the doctor I expected them to just give me a pill and send me on my way! How wrong was I??

The first of many tests I have had done are blood tests and although I seem to have had so many I've lost count, I know that these will continue now even once I am put on treatment as they can find out so much from just blood alone! (I did say to Kenny at one point that I think they are either drinking it or I've got a really rare blood type that they need more of! ha ha)

Originally they were just testing a few hormone levels and my thyroid, from there I was sent to have another to test for Aids, Hepatitis and some other things that I can't remember the names of which all came back clear.

I'm guessing that they just rule out as many things as possible!

So then I was told that they would need to do the external scan to look at my ovaries and off I went for that appointment!

My Amazing Parents taught me that Nothing is impossible!

This is my first post and rather than go into detail of the tests I have undergone so far I thought I'd just quickly talk about an early childhood memory that I have which is very fitting to this blog and subject.

I was 6 when my mum was having fertility treatment to have my sister.

I remember the little boxes of glass vials, the syringes in sterile packets, my mum tapping the vials to get the air bubbles out and then drawing the liquid into the syringe. I remember my dad injecting her with them because she couldn't do it. They never kept any of this a secret from me, they told me that it was so that I could have a baby brother or sister and as a child I just excepted it and thought that this is what all parents did to have kids.

My Mum had already been through this 7 years before to have me. She had been told on many occassions that she would never have children (for about 10 years in fact) but she refused to give up hope! She was finally given a treatment in 1985 that had only been used on one other person in the world (a woman in America) and was told that they wasn't sure what the effects were or if it would even work but for my parents anything was worth a shot!

It's only now that I am faced with fertility issues that I can truly understand and appreciate what they went through to have me and my sister.

To have to be told over and over again that it's not possible for that many years must have been horrendous aswel as all the treatment that was involved.

Selfishly I hope that my journey isn't as long as theirs and that I don't have to have injections etc but if the time comes and I do have to do this then I know that I can!

My Parents never gave up, my Mum never said no to the treatment because she was scared and if she had of I wouldn't be here today!
I love them both so much!