13.11.14
Not much to report apart from that I am now 5 weeks pregnant, I am feeling sick all of the time, I get stomach cramping on and off and I am constantly terrified to go to the toilet in case I see blood.
My journey through fertility investigations and treatments! My name is Rachel and I was born in North London/England on 28th June 1986. I am married to my lovely husband Kenny and we live in Essex with our 2 cats Noddy and Snoopy. I have created a blog about my journey through fertility investigations and treatment as I feel that not enough is said about this subject.
Sunday 1 February 2015
A Poas Obsession!
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| As you can see the first test(the one I thought was negative) is the lightest and they got darker each day past tr. |
Yes just as the title says, I've developed a 'Pee on a stick' (poas) obsession. Over the past 5 days I've done test after test each day and watched the line develop and get stronger.
It's a really surreal feeling and I feel like soon I'll wake up and it will all be over.
Today is the day I rang the clinic and told them that I am in fact "Pregnant", they said I need to wait a further week and do another of the hospital tests to confirm and then they will book me in for a scan.
So I guess another looooooooooooong week ahead!
The Negative Test and And A Baby Shower Avoidance
1.11.12
So this Morning I ruined my whole day just by one stupid decision in the morning.
I've been having really vivid dreams about having a baby, one was even to the point where I woke up expecting the crib to be next to the bed. So odd, maybe it's just where it's all playing on my mind constantly? I can't even get away from it when I'm asleep.
So anyway Kenny went off to work and I got ready to go out....I had a baby shower to attend and it was for one of the girls off of our Instagram TTC community. She had conceived through IVF and was expecting a girl.
I got all the presents together and sat looking at them whilst drinking my cup of tea, I don't know why but I just had this burning urge to do a test. One thing people should realize about anyone who is trying to conceive is that there are always pregnancy tests somewhere in the house, although over the past few years me and pregnancy tests had a volatile relationship and I'd got to the point where I'd dreaded using them.
So anyway I sat there trying to convince myself not to do one, it would be a bad idea, it's too early (yet I'd seen other women do them this early and get a positive), I'd be devastated if it was negative and yet do you think that I listened to my inner voice. NO!
That's right I didn't listen, I and found one of these cheap boots tests that I'd had left over from when I was on Clomid and went to the bathroom. I hesitated for all but a few seconds and then went on to do the test.
After I sat there for about 2 minutes looking at the instructions clarifying in my mind what I needed to look for because so far all I had was a test line and in the other window it was just a smudge of pink but it was going the wrong way. The line is supposed to be vertical for a positive result so I started googling 'boots pregnancy tests horizontal line', I ended up with a series of images that all showed what I was looking at and all of them said negative.
There's my sensible side that was staying "stay calm Rachel it's probably too early"but as you've probably realized from earlier I don't listen to sense, I listen to the side that was screaming like a mad woman. Floods of tears welled up inside and I couldn't stop them, I felt like my heart was breaking.
After all of those injections, all of the torment I'd put myself through and here I was left with nothing. I threw the test into the draw next to my bed and then went out to my parent's house.
After that I couldn't concentrate on anything else all day, I was just so upset.
I ended up not going to the baby shower because I selfishly couldn't face that big in your face reminder of what I was not going to have. I text my friend and was honest, I told her that I'd done the test and that it was negative so I just couldn't face her baby shower. She was really understanding, (you generally are when you have been down the same road) and she asked me to send a pic of the test but I told her I'd thrown it. She told me that I should try a different test because it may have been wrong but at that point I didn't want to make myself feel even worse.
Anyway earlier this evening I came home in such a miserable mood and wanted to tell Kenny that I'd done a test, that it was all over, we might aswel accept that we need to go through all this again but I couldn't find the words. I suppose saying it out loud would confirm it for me.
So I went to my draw and pulled out the test,things would be easier to explain if I just gave him the negative test and he could see for himself.
I looked down at the test for a split second expecting that horrid blank screen to be staring up at me..except the screen wasn't blank, there was a very very faint vertical line. My hands started shaking and I thought I was going mad, I started thinking maybe it was just an evaporation line (that can happen when you leave the test too long) but I honestly didn't know what to think.
So before telling Kenny I dug out the only pregnancy test that I had left which was a 99p store test strip and went to the bathroom.
I done the test again but I really really didn't know what the outcome would be, either way I just needed to know.
I sat there staring at the test for what felt like an eternity and then very slowly there it was, a very very faint vertical line next to the test line.
My heart was banging so much that I swear it was going to jump out of my chest.
I took the tests into Kenny and was shaking so much that I just didn't know what to say....I was probably rambling. I told him about the negative test and he was like "you know you shouldn't be doing them, it's too early" but then I told him about it now showing a faint line.
I was like a woman possessed, I shoved the test strip in his face shouting " can you see that line, can you see it"
Kenny said he didn't really know what he was supposed to be looking for so I explained that the dark line is a test line and next to it should be another line and asked again if he could see anything.
He agreed that he could see a faint line so I was literally begging him to go to Tesco to buy different tests, more reliable ones but he said no.
He told me to promise not to do any more until test day...I kind of sheepishly agreed with fingers crossed and decided in my head that first thing tomorrow I would go and get first response tests because there was no way in a million years that I would be able to wait until test day now.
So this Morning I ruined my whole day just by one stupid decision in the morning.
I've been having really vivid dreams about having a baby, one was even to the point where I woke up expecting the crib to be next to the bed. So odd, maybe it's just where it's all playing on my mind constantly? I can't even get away from it when I'm asleep.
So anyway Kenny went off to work and I got ready to go out....I had a baby shower to attend and it was for one of the girls off of our Instagram TTC community. She had conceived through IVF and was expecting a girl.
I got all the presents together and sat looking at them whilst drinking my cup of tea, I don't know why but I just had this burning urge to do a test. One thing people should realize about anyone who is trying to conceive is that there are always pregnancy tests somewhere in the house, although over the past few years me and pregnancy tests had a volatile relationship and I'd got to the point where I'd dreaded using them.
So anyway I sat there trying to convince myself not to do one, it would be a bad idea, it's too early (yet I'd seen other women do them this early and get a positive), I'd be devastated if it was negative and yet do you think that I listened to my inner voice. NO!
That's right I didn't listen, I and found one of these cheap boots tests that I'd had left over from when I was on Clomid and went to the bathroom. I hesitated for all but a few seconds and then went on to do the test.
 |
| The horizontal line (Apparently happens when still developing) |
There's my sensible side that was staying "stay calm Rachel it's probably too early"but as you've probably realized from earlier I don't listen to sense, I listen to the side that was screaming like a mad woman. Floods of tears welled up inside and I couldn't stop them, I felt like my heart was breaking.
After all of those injections, all of the torment I'd put myself through and here I was left with nothing. I threw the test into the draw next to my bed and then went out to my parent's house.
After that I couldn't concentrate on anything else all day, I was just so upset.
I ended up not going to the baby shower because I selfishly couldn't face that big in your face reminder of what I was not going to have. I text my friend and was honest, I told her that I'd done the test and that it was negative so I just couldn't face her baby shower. She was really understanding, (you generally are when you have been down the same road) and she asked me to send a pic of the test but I told her I'd thrown it. She told me that I should try a different test because it may have been wrong but at that point I didn't want to make myself feel even worse.
Anyway earlier this evening I came home in such a miserable mood and wanted to tell Kenny that I'd done a test, that it was all over, we might aswel accept that we need to go through all this again but I couldn't find the words. I suppose saying it out loud would confirm it for me.
So I went to my draw and pulled out the test,things would be easier to explain if I just gave him the negative test and he could see for himself.
I looked down at the test for a split second expecting that horrid blank screen to be staring up at me..except the screen wasn't blank, there was a very very faint vertical line. My hands started shaking and I thought I was going mad, I started thinking maybe it was just an evaporation line (that can happen when you leave the test too long) but I honestly didn't know what to think.
So before telling Kenny I dug out the only pregnancy test that I had left which was a 99p store test strip and went to the bathroom.
I done the test again but I really really didn't know what the outcome would be, either way I just needed to know.
I sat there staring at the test for what felt like an eternity and then very slowly there it was, a very very faint vertical line next to the test line.
My heart was banging so much that I swear it was going to jump out of my chest.
I took the tests into Kenny and was shaking so much that I just didn't know what to say....I was probably rambling. I told him about the negative test and he was like "you know you shouldn't be doing them, it's too early" but then I told him about it now showing a faint line.
I was like a woman possessed, I shoved the test strip in his face shouting " can you see that line, can you see it"
Kenny said he didn't really know what he was supposed to be looking for so I explained that the dark line is a test line and next to it should be another line and asked again if he could see anything.
He agreed that he could see a faint line so I was literally begging him to go to Tesco to buy different tests, more reliable ones but he said no.
He told me to promise not to do any more until test day...I kind of sheepishly agreed with fingers crossed and decided in my head that first thing tomorrow I would go and get first response tests because there was no way in a million years that I would be able to wait until test day now.
4 Days Past Transfer
31.12.14
I am now 4 days past transfer and feel very strange. I still have the cramping on and off.....it's so scary because it's almost like period cramps.
My head is completely all over the place, I've not ever been pregnant before so I don't really know what to expect but on the other hand I feel like I'm pregnant if that is even possible. I don't want to get my hopes up but I feel different and I'm getting up all through the night to keep going to the toilet which is really unlike me.
I know I'm not supposed to do a test until test day because it's too early but holding out for another 6 days is going to drive me crazy.
I am now 4 days past transfer and feel very strange. I still have the cramping on and off.....it's so scary because it's almost like period cramps.
My head is completely all over the place, I've not ever been pregnant before so I don't really know what to expect but on the other hand I feel like I'm pregnant if that is even possible. I don't want to get my hopes up but I feel different and I'm getting up all through the night to keep going to the toilet which is really unlike me.
I know I'm not supposed to do a test until test day because it's too early but holding out for another 6 days is going to drive me crazy.
I'm Losing My mind
30.10.14
So far I have had slight cramping, felt sick and been very, very tired.
I haven't been putting these post's up on the blog as I want to keep it quiet if the treatment has worked, having said that I still want my posts's to be honest when people read them so I feel like I can be honest in them and then when the time is right I will post them for people to read.
Today I am drinking pineapple juice and eating pineapple core....it's one of those things, there's so many do's and don't's after transfer that you find yourself not knowing what to do for the best.
They say that pineapple helps with the implantation process of the embryo so I thought I'd try it....what the hell I'd try anything at the moment if I thought it would have a positive effect on the outcome.
So far I have had slight cramping, felt sick and been very, very tired.
I haven't been putting these post's up on the blog as I want to keep it quiet if the treatment has worked, having said that I still want my posts's to be honest when people read them so I feel like I can be honest in them and then when the time is right I will post them for people to read.
Today I am drinking pineapple juice and eating pineapple core....it's one of those things, there's so many do's and don't's after transfer that you find yourself not knowing what to do for the best.
They say that pineapple helps with the implantation process of the embryo so I thought I'd try it....what the hell I'd try anything at the moment if I thought it would have a positive effect on the outcome.
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