Thursday 10 July 2014

If you aren't nervous about your passion, You aren't passionate about it!

I've not posted on here since April.

Sometimes you just need some head space away from all of the craziness that infertility brings....this has most certainly been the case and we were also waiting for our referral to be sent off to Bourn Clinic.

We waited 10 weeks for the papers to be signed off by the specialist at the main hospital, it became so frustrating that I started to doubt if this was ever going to happen.
Luckily once Bourn finally received the documents they were much quicker to get things going.

We were sent an appointment for a seminar which we had to attend before we could have treatment.

On the day we got to Bourn at 2.30pm and was met by a friendly receptionist who showed us around the main building and left us in the canteen to get ourselves a drink.
When I say canteen, this is not like your school or work canteen.....this is a small room in a Victorian manor with carpet, posh sofa's and amazing views of the landscapes outside.
It took us 15 minutes to work out how to use the fancy coffee machines and I did nearly give up at one point but I knew that we had to familiarize ourselves with them one way or another as I would probably be spending quite a bit of time in this place over the coming months lol.

So we get our coffee's and sit down for 30 minutes in the posh canteen whilst watching all the other couples wrestle the drinks machine.
Afterwards we were ushered into the main room which was set out with a projector and rows of chairs which had all been taken barring the one's right at the front. "How typical is that?" I thought to myself.
So there me an Kenny are shuffling down this aisle past all of these other couples who are probably feeling just as scared, anxious and nervous as we are but all I could think was that we looked the the classroom boffins sitting bang at the front.
We take our seat and I instantly notice how unbelievably hot it is in the room. I have a banging headache anyway and now I am sat in a semi dark room, with no air-con, next to a projector machine that is blowing out hot air on the hottest day of the year so far. BRILLIANT!!!!

They hand out the paperwork and an information pack to each couple and we begin to flick through the hundreds of pages. You could cut the tension in the room with a knife.....I sat there wondering if they all felt like I did inside? A mess who just wished that this was a bad dream.
A woman at the front then introduced herself, she is one of the main doctors and for the next hour we were taken through a slideshow of information and a biology lesson in reproduction. At one point I kept feeling like I was going to black out...I kept going clammy and dizzy from the heat in the room, well maybe it was the heat or maybe it was a combo of that and extreme nerves?
If I didn't know about how the reproductive organs worked before hand I certainly do now.

Our first consultation is coming up and I am petrified, being told in fine detail what to expect is helpful in some ways but not in others....I feel like I'm already counting down the days until I have to stab myself in the stomach with needles.

I feel that so far I have been very open about my journey through all of this process as I feel that it could help someone else in the same position who is scared or dosen't know what to expect. I am just getting to the stage now though where I don't know if I should start keeping things more private?