Second Trimester!

 17.1.2015

 

I am now 14 weeks pregnant.

The last week has been another of those one's where you over think everything.

I found myself thinking about ridiculous things like 'what if the baby hasn't grown by the time I have the next scan?' and scared myself silly over such stupid stuff.

On the plus side we started to sort out our spare room and clear some of the things that we have been hoarding for ages. I knpow that we have ages yet until the baby is here but I feel like I should try and get the nursery started because we still don't know if I will make it full term.

I've felt a bit offish over the last few days, so I'm hoping that it's just hormone related and nothing else.

12 week Scan

7.1.2015

Our 12 week scan is actually a bit later, I am currently 13 weeks 5 days and it's been around 3 weeks since we had our private scan.

I was excited about this scan as I knew that we would hopefully see the baby moving around a lot more this time.

During the scan they checked everything over and informed us that the baby is doing really well and they changed my due date to the 12th July instead of the 16th because they said the baby was measuring ahead.

It's so amazing seeing little hands and feet moving around. 

The Sonographer also showed us the baby's heart beating on the screen and got a close up of his/her face.

I think it's all really starting to sink in now.

IT'S REALLY HAPPENING!!!

The Announcement

25.12.14

Merry Christmas Everyone!

This morning we officially announced our pregnancy to the world.

Yes I am only 11 weeks but what better day to tell people than on Christmas day right?

Plus we are happy with how things are going and are trying to stay positive so finally it feels real now we have told everyone.

My Christmas Miracle!

 17.12.14

We had our private scan at Babybond in Mothercare today.
I could hardly control my nerves....I knew deep down that everything would be okay because I'd had no signs that things were not but it still dosen't stop you worrying.
You think of all the worst things and the what if's.
 It all went well though and it was so nice to see the baby moving it's little arms and legs around now, it's incredible how quick they go from a tiny blob to a moving little human with limbs.

So happy right now.

9 weeks

 

10.11.14

9 Weeks in and I feel a bit sick on and off still but nothing major, the dishwasher is a no go area in the mornings (clean or unclean, it makes me gag).

We've booked a private scan for next week as I can't wait until 13 weeks to know that everything is still okay.

I'm on edge every day, I feel like it could all be over at any minute and need some reassurance.

7 weeks

I Saw You And My Heart Skipped A Beat!

27.11.14

Dear Baby Reid,

Today we saw you for the first time.
I was so scared going into that room, so terrified that after all the fighting for you there would be something wrong or no heartbeat.
As I lay there on that couch shaking, holding daddy's hand for reassurance I could literally hear my heart banging...I don't think I even heard what the nurse was saying.
She searched around looking for what felt like forever and then there on the black screen we saw you....not much more than a tiny blob but you were there and even better your little heart was beating away. 
The tears of overwhelming love, relief and happiness rolled down my cheeks and at that point I didn't even listen to what was going on around me all I knew was that I had waited for what felt like forever for this moment, it was one that I will never forget.

Love Mummy x

Miracles Happen

14.11.14

Today I done the second official hospital test and yes I am 100% pregnant, so now we just have to wait until I am 7 weeks 1 day for the scan to confirm it all.

Just when I thought the wait was over yet another one begins.

5 Weeks Pregnant

13.11.14

Not much to report apart from that I am now 5 weeks pregnant, I am feeling sick all of the time, I get stomach cramping on and off and I am constantly terrified to go to the toilet in case I see blood.

4 Weeks Pregnant!

A Poas Obsession!

As you can see the first test(the one I thought was negative) is
the lightest and they got darker each day past tr.

7.11.14

Yes just as the title says, I've developed a 'Pee on a stick' (poas) obsession. Over the past 5 days I've done test after test each day and watched the line develop and get stronger.
It's a really surreal feeling and I feel like soon I'll wake up and it will all be over.
Today is the day I rang the clinic and told them that I am in fact "Pregnant", they said I need to wait a further week and do another of the hospital tests to confirm and then they will book me in for a scan.
So I guess another looooooooooooong week ahead! 

The Negative Test and And A Baby Shower Avoidance

1.11.12

So this Morning I ruined my whole day just by one stupid decision in the morning.
I've been having really vivid dreams about having a baby, one was even to the point where I woke up expecting the crib to be next to the bed. So odd, maybe it's just where it's all playing on my mind constantly? I can't even get away from it when I'm asleep.
So anyway Kenny went off to work and I got ready to go out....I had a baby shower to attend and it was for one of the girls off of our Instagram TTC community. She had conceived through IVF and was expecting a girl.
I got all the presents together and sat looking at them whilst drinking my cup of tea, I don't know why but I just had this burning urge to do a test. One thing people should realize about anyone who is trying to conceive is that there are always pregnancy tests somewhere in the house, although over the past few years me and pregnancy tests had a volatile relationship and I'd got to the point where I'd dreaded using them.
So anyway I sat there trying to convince myself not to do one, it would be a bad idea, it's too early (yet I'd seen other women do them this early and get a positive), I'd be devastated if it was negative and yet do you think that I listened to my inner voice. NO!
That's right I didn't listen, I and found one of these cheap boots tests that I'd had left over from when I was on Clomid and went to the bathroom. I hesitated for all but a few seconds and then went on to do the test.

The horizontal line
(Apparently happens when still developing) 

After I sat there for about 2 minutes looking at the instructions clarifying in my mind what I needed to look for because so far all I had was a test line and in the other window it was just a smudge of pink but it was going the wrong way. The line is supposed to be vertical for a positive result so I started googling 'boots pregnancy tests horizontal line', I ended up with a series of images that all showed what I was looking at and all of them said negative.
There's my sensible side that was staying "stay calm Rachel it's probably too early"but as you've probably realized from earlier I don't listen to sense, I listen to the side that was screaming like a mad woman. Floods of tears welled up inside and I couldn't stop them, I felt like my heart was breaking.
After all of those injections, all of the torment I'd put myself through and here I was left with nothing. I threw the test into the draw next to my bed and then went out to my parent's house.
After that I couldn't concentrate on anything else all day, I was just so upset.
I ended up not going to the baby shower because I selfishly couldn't face that big in your face reminder of what I was not going to have. I text my friend and was honest, I told her that I'd done the test and that it was negative so I just couldn't face her baby shower. She was really understanding, (you generally are when you have been down the same road) and she asked me to send a pic of the test but I told her I'd thrown it. She told me that I should try a different test because it may have been wrong but at that point I didn't want to make myself feel even worse.
Anyway earlier this evening I came home in such a miserable mood and wanted to tell Kenny that I'd done a test, that it was all over, we might aswel accept that we need to go through all this again but I couldn't find the words. I suppose saying it out loud would confirm it for me.
So I went to my draw and pulled out the test,things would be easier to explain if I just gave him the negative test and he could see for himself.
I looked down at the test for a split second expecting that horrid blank screen to be staring up at me..except the screen wasn't blank, there was a very very faint vertical line. My hands started shaking and I thought I was going mad, I started thinking maybe it was just an evaporation line (that can happen when you leave the test too long) but I honestly didn't know what to think.
So before telling Kenny I dug out the only pregnancy test that I had left which was a 99p store test strip and went to the bathroom.
I done the test again but I really really didn't know what the outcome would be, either way I just needed to know.
I sat there staring at the test for what felt like an eternity and then very slowly there it was, a very very faint vertical line next to the test line.
My heart was banging so much that I swear it was going to jump out of my chest.
I took the tests into Kenny and was shaking so much that I just didn't know what to say....I was probably rambling. I told him about the negative test and he was like "you know you shouldn't be doing them, it's too early" but then I told him about it now showing a faint line.
I was like a woman possessed, I shoved the test strip in his face shouting " can you see that line, can you see it"
Kenny said he didn't really know what he was supposed to be looking for so I explained that the dark line is a test line and next to it should be another line and asked again if he could see anything.
He agreed that he could see a faint line so I was literally begging him to go to Tesco to buy different tests, more reliable ones but he said no.
He told me to promise not to do any more until test day...I kind of sheepishly agreed with fingers crossed and decided in my head that first thing tomorrow I would go and get first response tests because there was no way in a million years that I would be able to wait until test day now.

4 Days Past Transfer

31.12.14

I am now 4 days past transfer and feel very strange. I still have the cramping on and off.....it's so scary because it's almost like period cramps.
My head is completely all over the place, I've not ever been pregnant before so I don't really know what to expect but on the other hand I feel like I'm pregnant if that is even possible. I don't want to get my hopes up but I feel different and I'm getting up all through the night to keep going to the toilet which is really unlike me.
I know I'm not supposed to do a test until test day because it's too early but holding out for another 6 days is going to drive me crazy.

I'm Losing My mind

30.10.14
So far I have had slight cramping, felt sick and been very, very tired.
I haven't been putting these post's up on the blog as I want to keep it quiet if the treatment has worked, having said that I still want my posts's to be honest when people read them so I feel like I can be honest in them and then when the time is right I will post them for people to read.
Today I am drinking pineapple juice and eating pineapple core....it's one of those things, there's so many do's and don't's after transfer that you find yourself not knowing what to do for the best.
They say that pineapple helps with the implantation process of the embryo so I thought I'd try it....what the hell I'd try anything at the moment if I thought it would have a positive effect on the outcome.

Putting My Chalkboard into Use At Last!

29.10.14
I decided that I was going to use my chalkboard today. 
It was a case of do I a week 3 shot just incase the ivf has worked? or do I not do it because if I was to do one and the ivf didn't work it would be a bit of a sore reminder?
In the end I went with taking the picture because if I didn't and I was pregnant I would regret not having a picture of the first week.
So here it is ..... 3 weeks in, 2 days after transfer.

The 2 Week Wait Begins!

28.10.14

We are Officially PREGNANT UNTIL PROVEN OTHERWISE! (pupo)

The embryo is currently tucked away inside of me hopefully baking away and becoming a baby.

It's kind of scary because although I know that I am currently technically pregnant, I'm under no illusion that it could all be over as quick as it started.

The next few weeks (10 to be precise) are going to be the slowest, craziest, hardest days ever.

All I can do now is hope for the best.

Transfer Day

27.10.14

So the last few days of waiting for the results of fertilization were tense to say the least.
The thing is you could have lots of eggs that initially fertilize but when it comes to going through the Blastocyst stage it could all change and you could be left with none.
Luckily for us they rang and booked us in for a transfer for today at 2.15pm.
We had 8 fertilize and they all made it to the embryo stage only 1 was slightly behind in development and they had picked 1 of superior quality to put back inside me.

The embryo goes through stages of development and divides into cells, my embryo was put back in on day 5.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P1h611sNji8

We arrived swiftly at around 2pm and was taken to a waiting room....yet again I was terrified about what was going to happen but I knew that Kenny was going to be with me this time so I wouldn't be in there alone.

At around 2.30pm we were taken down to the room where the transfer would take place. It was very much like the theatre that I had been in for the retrieval just smaller.

I got into a gown again and then got up onto the bed.
There were only two nurses in the room this time, one was the nurse who would be doing the transfer and the other was doing the ultrasound part.

This process involves inserting a catheter into the cervix until it reaches the womb and then they push the embryo through with saline.
I was dreading it and really thought that it was going to hurt but it didn't, to be honest I didn't even feel it. The main pressure was from the ultrasound woman pushing down on my stomach and making me want to wet myself (yes you have to have drank a litre of water before going in).

Kenny and me watched on the screen as they put the embryo (our baby) inside my womb and then they showed us again on the screen slowly and explained what had happened. 

The embryo is so tiny when put back in that you would only be able to see it under a microscope.

We then were told to go back to the waiting room, where I could finally go to the toilet to get rid of all the water that was in my bladder. 
You kind of don't want to go to the toilet at that point in case your embryo falls out - it's not possible though so it's okay! ha ha

Lucky Number 8

24.10.14

Waiting for the results of how many of the 13 eggs fertilized is nerve wrecking.
It felt like forever until that phonecall came today but the good news arrived shortly after lunchtime that 8 YES 8 fertilised. Very good news and ironic that it's a number that always seems to come up in my life in one way or another. Now we just have to wait for a few more days to see how many develop further and hope that there is one that can be transfered. Fingers Crossed.

Egg Retrieval Time.

23.12.14

8am - up we get and off to Cambridge we go.

I am such a wuss, I openly admit it....I pretty much had to stop myself from crying the whole of that journey.

I was apprehensive, scared, frightened and just wanted it to be over with.

Upon arrival we went straight to the ward and was greeted by the wonderful nurses, one thing I can say about Bourn is that everyone is so amazing, so friendly and never treats you any differently just because you are an NHS funded patient.

A nurse took us into one of the rooms and showed me to my bed, it's hard to explain what it's like because it's nothing like an NHS hospital where it's noisy, clinical and rushed.

The room was like someone's living room, carpeted, inviting, beds in each corner and then the standard hospital curtains that pulled around for your privacy.

We had a form to fill out and then I got changed into the gown ready for surgery.

As soon as the nurse came back and mentioned to me about being under local anesthetic I started hyperventilating. One thing I said from the beginning is that I did NOT want to be awake for this procedure. I knew what was going to happen and I really really just wanted to be knocked out for it.

Here's a run down of how egg collection works:

They insert a ultrasound wand that has a needle on the end through the wall of the cervix and out the other side to collect the eggs from the ovaries. The needle is pushed into each follicle and then the eggs (if there are any in there) are sucked up and go through the tube.

They say that under local anesthetic you will not feel much of this process but I just could not go ahead knowing that there was a chance that I might feel it.

I'm pretty sure that there are others out there who feel the same, it's not a nice procedure.

So anyway after doing my blood pressure and seeing that it was sky high, the nurse decided that thankfully it would be best to let me be under general anesthetic.

There were other's going in and out having their egg collections too so I had to wait for about an hour or so before it was my turn. 

During this time, poor Kenny had to go off and do his part of the bargain.....well we don't need to go into details about that do we but put it this way it lightened the mood a bit every time one of the men in the room had to be taken away. ha ha

At around 11.15ish I was taken to theatre by the anesthetist. 

We walked down the corridor to the theatre and I was greeted by a whole team of doctors, nurses, surgeons ...you name it. It was like a scene from Scrubs so strange.

 I got onto the bed with the bright surgical lights shining down on me and I could feel my body tensing and my heart banging.

They explained that they would insert the anesthetic into my hand and began trying to get me to relax.

The needle wouldn't go into my hand so they tried inside of my upper arm, still no good....by this point I was laying there trying to stop the sobs from erupting.

One of the anesthetists was holding my hand, he was an older gentle man...I'm sure he had an Australian accent but I remember him talking to me, asking me if I was going away this year, desperately trying to calm me.

In the end they had to then try the other hand and it finally went in, I remember saying to them can you just put me out now please, just knock me out. 

They gave me some drug and I finally started to feel woozy, they also gave me a mask with gas and air I assume and I remember laying there thinking in a minute this will all be over......and then that lovely warm feeling took over and I was OUT!!!

When I was coming around, they wheeled me back to the ward where Kenny was waiting for me. I think I was garbling some sort of rubbish about "it's not time to wake up yet, the alarm hasn't gone off".

Once I had come around a bit more and noticed Kenny sitting there holding my hand I just burst into tears....it was a mixture of feeling relieved that it was done and also the memory of that awful bit before hand of being put out. my hands and arm were sore.

The good news was that they managed to collect 13 eggs which were now going off to be fertilised. 

I didn't really feel any other pain at that point, I was just super thirsty.

After about half an hour I was sitting up and just wanted to go home...they made me drink tea and have some croissants first and then once they were satisfied that I was okay they let us leave.

Once home all I wanted to do was sleep.

The LAST Jab!

21.12.14

So here goes....Last Jab time!

Last night was my last injection for the treatment and I had to wait all day for the nurse's call for her to tell me what time to administer the drug.

In my case I had to do it at 11.30pm so that I was ready for the egg collection tomorrow at 9.30am.Eeeeeekkkkkkkk!!!

With Ovitrelle it's pretty much the same as doing Gonal F. The injection comes in the form of a pen, so all you have to do is attach the needle. The only difference between this and the Gonal F is that with this you don't have to set the dose, you just inject and take the full amount of liquid that's in the pen.
Ovitrelle's job is to mature the eggs before collection and then to trigger ovulation at a certain time (which is why you have to take it at a certain time of day/night depending on when you are going in for collection)

Doing this injection was a bitter sweet moment.
Yes I sure am glad to see the back of injections, my stomach is sore and wounded but on the other hand it was kind of sad in a way.
I've come so far from that first night of injections when I didn't think I could get through this. I did it though and now I was at that point of realising that this is it......I've got through the part that I didn't think I could do and I was faced with the prospect that this could all have potentially been for nothing, on the other hand this could now be the start of something I've been wanting for a very long time.

http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/pregnancy/medicines/ovitrelle.html

So Glad My Misfortune Made Someone Happy!

20.10.14
Another day, ANOTHER SCAN!
Today's scan was the final one all of my follicles were at good sizes (of course there's no guarantee that there are eggs in there though) and the nurse was quite happy for me to be booked in for the retrieval.

During the follicle scans the nurses look on each side of the ovaries for these small black circles, these are the follicles, they then measure them using he ultrasound machine. 
The follicles need to be around 16mm to be mature enough for them to want to do collection. Some women's follicles do not mature and they have to try upping the doseage of the medication or if that still dosen't work they just do the retrieval and hope that there are some eggs that they can use.

I was very lucky through this process, everything seems to have gone very smoothly and my body appears to have responded well.

The nurse also looked at my womb lining with 3d ultrasound to check that the lining was thick enough (which it was) and here is when she realised that my womb is nothing but ordinary.
I'm used to the doctors commenting on it now but normally the nurses cannot see the defect on the ultrasound machine.

Well this time she picked up on it straight away and was quite excited that she could get a very clear 3d shot of it.
She was very excited and said that she couldn't wait to show the other nurses the image, I guess I was happy for her...I suppose from a nurse's point of view it's not every day that you get to see a true Biconuate Uterus on ultrasound but you can't help but think "cheers, I am having IVF and not knowing if a baby will survive in that bodge up of a uterus and here you are getting clappy happy over it". 
(to the right is my scan picture)
The Y in the scan is my womb which is why they say it's a heart shape, a normal womb would be a pear shape or upside down triangle.

Someone Catch Me If I Fall

18.10.14

Today's follicle scan and blood test didn't quite go to plan.

To cut a long story short because of the amount of blood tests I've had recently they couldn't get the needle in my arm and then when they did it was so painful that I ended up fainting.

Yes I felt like such an idiot but the nurse reassured me that it happens a lot (she was probably just trying to make me feel better to be honest) and then they made me lie down on the ward and have a biscuit to get my sugar levels back up.

Once I finally felt okay again and they were happy I went back upstairs for the follicle scan which was all good and the nurse was happy with the progress.

I now have 12 to 13 follies ranging in size between 10mm and 18mm.