I don't wish to be an expert thanks!

I was talking with a friend last night on a social networking site who has quite a few kids and recently had a baby. Whilst talking I told her about the fact that I'd not ovulated this month despite being on Clomid, to which she replied "what's Ovulated?".   I think I was a bit dumb struck at first, in my head I was puzzled and thinking "REALLY? You've had kids and you don't know what ovulated is?". Then it occurred to me that that is probably normal, that is what life is like for those who can just fall pregnant. In fact maybe I was the strange one for knowing what this term means? There is no planning for normal couples apart from "hey lets have a baby", there's no having to now if you're ovulating or not, there's no ovulation sticks loitering around, there's no planning of every single detail.....WOW!

After the conversation I felt quite annoyed. I was like why me? (yes I know I was throwing myself a pity party) Why the hell do I have to learn the ins and outs of conception? the fertile windows?  ovulation? endo thickness? follicle size?

WHY WHY WHY??????

I don't want to be an expert...........I just want a baby!

Such is life !!!

 

But I don't like the rain so I hope it dosen't last long!

I Love this saying!

 

Baby Aspirin for Fertility!

My doctor has advised me to take baby aspirin (which I'd never actually heard of before now).
I came straight home from hospital and started researching for more info on this as I was a bit concerned about taking yet another tablet.
You do start to question if all this medication is actually doing any good!
There's days when I feel like a junkie....I've literally got a handful of tablets to take at a time.
I was quite surprised by the info that I came up with.
Firstly Aspirin is more used in fertility than I expected, in fact it's used in cases of fertility, pregnancy, miscarriage and more!
In my case I need it to build up my womb lining as it is too thin, apparently it increases blood flow to the womb if taken regularly.
Below is a link with some more information regarding Aspirin and how it works for fertility issues.
http://www.babyhopes.com/articles/what-is-baby-aspirin-and-how-is-it-related-to-fertility.html

Whilst reading about this I also came across some information about thin womb lining which said that Clomid is linked with making the lining thin.

"Well that's bloody Typical isn't it?" I thought....I take 1 step forward by taking Clomid and two steps back because not only do I not ovulate on it but it also mucks up my womb! Great just Great!

Clomid Round 1 - Big Fat Fail!

 

8am - Follicle scan in the Maternity Ultrasound Unit.

 

I guess even when you think something has not worked there's that little bit of hope in the back of your mind telling you that you might be wrong.

I did this and then felt worse when told what I knew I would hear!

 

I rocked up at my Ultrasound feeling really really nervous and this time it wasn't because of the procedure, it was because I wanted to hear some good news...that I had responded well to the treatment.

If only life was that simple!

 

First I get into the department and its packed with pregnant women again, (I don't really know why I didn't see that coming, I mean it is a MATERNITY ultrasound unit after all) and then the receptionists are really rude and too busy having a chat to take my papers.

So I give a cough..."helllllllooooooo I am waiting"

Nothing!

Rudeness is not something I take lightly at 8am in the morning, when really nervous, really stressed and slightly hungry!

 

"hello, I've got...."

 

"WE'RE NOT READY YET, TAKE A SEAT"  one of the nurses abruptly tells me.

 

That's pretty much how my day began and ended...abrupt, horrible and miserable.

 

When I eventually did get seen the nurse took me into the room, explained the procedure (which I know well enough by now to talk myself through if need be) and then began.

I could tell from the questions that she was asking that it was not good.

I also heard her mention that the follicles on both sides were small......

 

Afterwards I had to wait an speak with the doctor about the results and it was then that I was told that the follicles were small and that the lining of my womb was too thin!

She mentioned maybe having to have injections to trigger ovulation but we wouldn't need to think about that yet.

 

One thing I've learnt already through this is that I don't listen very well to what I am being told.....I manage to grasp bits and pieces but not all of it.

Maybe I should ask the doctors if I can record the conversation lol

 

In the end the general outcome was that it didn't look like I was going to ovulate and even if I did the womb lining would be too thin, so I have got to take baby aspirin every day now and do another cycle of 50mg Clomid to see if that works!

 

Feeling a little bit deflated!

 

 

Is this working?

I've taken the first lot of Clomid now but I have had no side effects, no pain, no nothing!

Not that I'm complaining or anything, realistically who really wants side effects? Not me ....

I'm just wondering if this is a sign though that it's not worked? I had a really bad headache on the first day so started taking the tablets at night and then nothing, no headaches, no crazy mood swings, no belly pains...zilch, nothing!

I have the Ultrasound at 8am tomorrow so I guess I'll just have to see what happens.

Keep Calm and Carry on with Clomid!

It's strange how I've been waiting for this for so long... yet now I am faced with the prospect of it all I am terrified!
I couldn't wait to start the treatment before but gradually as it has got nearer to 'the day it begins' I have wound myself up so much with negativity that I had convinced myself that I didn't want to take the tablets.
The mixture of emotions is a really scary thing! On one hand I was feeling happy that this could work and I could potentially be pregnant within the next couple of months, but on the other hand I was thinking about what the doctor said about possibly misscarrying.
I also then started thinking "wow I could actually be a mum by next year" ....."do you really want this Rachel? do you? do you?"........."all that pain, sleepless nights". 
Luckily after talking through it with others and sorting myself out, I got up this morning and bit the bullet as they say!
I rang the ultrasound department and booked my appointment for my follicle scan and then went and immediatley took my first 50mg Clomid tablet.

So this is it....Round 1 of clomiphene begins.

Fingers crossed x

A simple thing like Instagram can make a difference!

A few months ago when going back and forth to hospital for investigations I came across some fertility posts on Instagram.
At first I didn't think much of it but when I was really low I just had this urge to click on some of the ttc hashtags to see how others were getting on and it was here that I discovered a whole community dedicated to infertility.
What amazed me was how many women there were connected on it from all over the world, from all different walks of life and yet it was like they were all best friends brought together by the one thing .....INFERTILITY!
I began posting about this subject too and started talking with others about treatments, then I noticed that others kept in touch by post and send eachother little messages and care packages as pick me ups.

I began to write to others too, some in this country and some abroad.

 I have recieve the most amazing letters and gifts over the past few     months and I am so so incredibly
 thankful.

Top left: Beth         Top Right: Laura

left: Chelsea        

The Nail Polish Exchange

Chelsea also arranged a nail polish exchange recently which involved something like 80 ladies around the world (on IG) who are trying to concieve, going through treatment, etc.
Everyone had a secret person to send a box of goodies to and by a certain date.

I recieved this amazing package (left) from Sally in Australia.

It was full to the brim with the most amazing items....and she had got my personilty spot on with all of the scrapbooking items.
She even managed to sneak in the nail polish! :)

Incredible woman and again another person I am thankful to have crossed paths with on IG.






I know that social networking can cause lots of problems but in this case I think it shows how good it can be too.

Like my mum said to me.. when she was going through this situation 30 years ago, it was like you were on your own with no-one for support and something as simple as knowing that others are going through the same helps.