Crappy Clomid and Another Failed Cycle!

I haven't posted for the past few weeks...medications accompanied with the side effects have left me weary and feeling too emotional to write about it.

In my last post I was having problems with Provera, I was feeling very nauseas and it was making me really miserable, little did I realise that this was just the beginning of my cycle from hell.
I am an emotional person anyway and cry when I'm happy, sad, in between, etc Lol, but this was on another level this time round. At one point I got really angry about losing an address book and wanted to smash up something, I also went shopping with Kenny and ended up crying over a frozen chicken that he put in the shopping basket because I felt sorry for it .(yes I laugh now about it but it didn't feel funny at the time)
On day 8 of taking Provera I started getting stomach pains, by day 10 I was cramping to the point of not being able to walk and AF arrived earlier than it normally does. It sounds stupid but I woke up in the middle of the night and the pains were so bad that I thought that maybe somehow I was pregnant and having a miscarriage because it hurt that bad. I was standing at the windowsill, breathing in and out slowly because the pain was so bad. I honestly don't know why I was in so much pain but I just hope that I don't have to go through it again, it started going off on about Cycle day 2/3.

I then began taking the 50mg of Clomid again and booked my Follicle scan with the hospital.

The time leading up to my Scan really dragged and I felt so sad, I knew deep down that it hadn't worked but I had to keep going and just hope that I was wrong.
Come scan day I was really on edge, I got there on time and yet again had to wait an extra 20minutes to be seen.
During the scan the nurse asked me if I've ever had PID (Pelvic Inflammatory disease) but did not go into detail of why she asked this. I've never had it as far as I know and I have had so many checks during this process that I would've thought that the doctors would know if I'd had it or not?
Anyway she continued doing the scan and then I went to talk with the senior nurse who gave me the results ............ It failed again!
No matter how many times you prepare yourself for the bad news it still feels like a kick in the stomach!
My womb lining has increased from 1.2 thickness to 4.4 which is good but still too thin so she said to continue taking the baby aspirin. The Follies on both sides were not mature at all (too small again) so she said that she will increase the Clomid to 75mg next month.

I went from the hospital to work...cried in my car on the way there, managed to keep it together during the day and then cried again in my car on the way home.

I was really negative yesterday but then the Nurse rang me out of the blue and said that she had spoken to our fertility doctor who wants the Clomid put up by more than just 25mg, so next Cycle I will be on 100mg instead.
I feel a bit better today, luckily I have great friends and family around me who keep me going and remind me to stay strong.

I know that Rome wasn't built in a day but this whole process seems so dragged out and never ending.
I was talking with someone who I work with today who has also been through this and what she said hit the nail on the head... "it's the not knowing when it will happen or if it even will that hurts".

TTCers of IG around the world!

 

Recently I had a vision to create a map that gave a rough location of all the ladies who are on Instagram in the Trying To Conceive Community. The reason for this was so that others could look at the map and see if there was another TTCer local to them that they could connect with.

I put it up on IG to see what others thought and within minutes I had over 20 names with their city and so there it began!
The map now has around 160 ladies on it who are on fertility treatments or have been on it and are now pregnant or had a 'miracle' baby. It's amazing to see how many women in different places of the world are effected by infertility, on the map we have ladies in USA,Canada, UK, Australia, Germany and Puerto Rico.

 

Follow the link below to view the map:

https://mapsengine.google.com/map/edit?mid=z6Ssw1aNSerE.kg5R1VxNdzz8&authuser=0&hl=en

But I don't like the rain so I hope it dosen't last long!

I Love this saying!

 

Infertility Journey Scrapbooking

 

 

A couple of months back when reading through fertility treatment advice I came across a blog of a couple who had been through fertility treatments for numerous years and had finally conceived.

They had made a scrapbook of memories, keepsakes and photos from the beginning to the end of their journey and it was amazing.

In their case they had been through numerous Clomid, IUI, IVF rounds with no success and finally went down the adoption route and this was documented in their scrapbook.

 

It was really inspiring and so I have decided to do a scrapbook of my own. (as you can see from the pictures)

 

It's quite therapeutic and I hope that one day I will have a child (one way or another) who I can share it with!

 

 

 



Just Waiting and Wondering!

I have my next appointment through with another different doctor!

Apparently this time it's with the fertility specialist who will be deciding what path we take next and what treatment we will be having.

I'm quite happy to be seeing someone who will be finally making some decisions but I'm also really nervous at the same time. I was told that I may need to have YET ANOTHER examination by this doctor now which made me want to scream some obscenities at the top of my voice! I'm so sick of having people poking me. I feel violated! Why why why ......????? Why do they have to keep on doing the same things over and over again?

 

So anyway that's that....it's on June the 11th which wasn't as quick as I'd hoped for but at least I have an appointment now.

 

Now all there is to do is wait and wonder what will happen next!

 



Up to Date

On track

So now I am up to date on here!

 I am currently waiting to have the HSG done, my appointment is next Monday and I'm dreading it.

I know I've got to have it done so I just need to think happy thoughts!

Talking of happy thoughts....one of the main things that keeps me going through this is humour!

Sometimes I feel so down about it all but you have to make light of some situations......like when you lay on those doctors couches and wish you were at the dentist opening you're mouth rather than there opening your legs! ha ha

I came across this game recently that made me giggle, I'm sure if you are going through the same thing you will relate to it too!

http://indulgy.com/post/f872qKAcB1/infertility-the-board-game-painfully-funny